I’ve had ridiculous weather elements to train in, too many
injuries to mention and a number of chest infections followed by a bout of
Norovirus to name but a few of the obstacles during my Marathon Training. There
have been highs and lows along the way but absolutely ‘nothing’ has prepared me
for how I feel in the wake of the blomb blasts at the Boston Marathon
yesterday.
I vividly remember standing in the foyer of my office
watching the big screens as 9/11 unfolded having received a frightening call
from Jamie who had witnessed the second plane going in unexpectedly on a news
site. The rest as they say is history.
Last night, alerted by friends we switched our programme off
(a cheesy American weekly programme that
Jamie and I both enjoy to watch and designed to keep me calm ironically in
light of my ensuing Marathon this weekend) and turned on to the live news
channels where in that instant I felt the similar feel of ‘dread’ that I felt
many many years ago for 9/11 and then later for 7/7 (which ironically was my first day back to work after Kaede was born). Twice already I have put Jamie through the
fear that ‘my location’ couldn’t be worse when these events have unfolded. For
9/11 he worried that Banking Institutions were being targeted and that ‘I
should come home immediately’ and for 7/7 we certainly knew that London
Transportation was under attack and I walked the majority of that journey home
from the City.
Last night I could see the instant fear etched on his face
as we watched, stunned, as the news footage came in from Boston. It’s one thing to watch this ‘from a
distance’ and feel appalled and then it’s another to know ‘your Mrs’ is running
London just a few days later. I understand how he feels as watching it I felt
the same way.
I couldn’t/can’t/won’t understand how ‘anybody’ could target
people at an event such as this. There are no credible reasons for any form of
atrocity such as this wherever it may be anyway. We all know that. The
‘aggressors’ may cite a whole host of so-called reasons to back up their
actions – but it’s white-wash at the end of the day. It’s designed to instil
fear and to that end it succeeds – at least for a while. It’s designed to force
people to change their way of life, their freedoms and again to that end it
certainly succeeds for a while. After all, I have just spent a whole night
redressing my own situation, the fact I am not ‘just me’ but a Mother…a Wife…a
Daughter…a Sister and a Friend.
Will I still be running London this weekend? Well yes I
will.
Will I still expect people to come along and support me if
they are uneasy doing so? Absolutely not.
We are tasked constantly in life with making ‘difficult
decisions’. I had to go back to work following 7/7 and take the underground
too. It was an unsettling feeling and I’ll admit I AM unsettled.
What I am also though is…pissed off!
Pissed off that this happened in Boston at all. So many
people running for so many good causes, raising money, working hard and pulling
together. Pissed off that a wonderful occasion has been tarnished in such a
way. Pissed off that I had to read news articles that begin ‘Murdered at the
Marathon’ as it’s an unthinkable headline. Pissed off about the knock-on effect
for London this weekend, as whatever way you look at it, there WILL be a
knock-on effect.
Yes folks, I am indeed pissed off.
I had written a blog to send to everyone tomorrow, naturally
in a ‘very different tone’ to this one. I was excited about sharing my thoughts
with you all for the upcoming race. Ironically I was going to send it tomorrow
as Jamie calls Wednesday ‘Hump Day’ as most people are just getting over the
hump at being back at work after the weekend and are feeling happier and
looking to the following weekend. I thought this would be a nice timing to make
you all smile.
There is no shying away from what has happened yesterday
though. I also know a lot of you will be wondering how I am feeling in light of
it all. So this is how I feel. When I set out last year to write my blog I
never imagined I would be writing one like this. I am utterly shocked.
Maybe I will still send my ‘light-hearted’ blog later this
week, who knows. I just don’t feel light-hearted currently.
Please take a moment of time to say a prayer for those
affected by Boston.
X
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